Getting married is one of life’s most significant decisions. While the excitement of wedding planning can be all-consuming, the conversations you have before saying “I do” matter far more than the color of your centerpieces.
Research consistently shows that couples who discuss important life topics before marriage report higher satisfaction and lower divorce rates. Yet many couples avoid these conversations, assuming they’ll figure things out along the way. Before diving into these questions, you might also want to check if you’re ready for marriage.
Here are 50 essential questions to explore with your partner, organized by topic to help you have meaningful, productive discussions.
Financial Questions
Money is one of the leading causes of conflict in marriages. Getting on the same page early can prevent years of tension. (For an in-depth guide, see finances before marriage.)
- How do you feel about debt ? Do you have any, and what’s your plan to manage it ?
- Should we combine finances, keep them separate, or use a hybrid approach ?
- What does financial security look like to you ?
- How much should we save each month ?
- What are your thoughts on major purchases ? At what price point should we consult each other ?
- Do you want to buy a home ? When and where ?
- How do you feel about lending money to family or friends ?
- What’s your approach to retirement savings ?
Family Planning Questions
Few topics create more friction than unaligned expectations about children and parenting.
- Do you want children ? If so, how many and when ?
- How would you feel if we couldn’t have biological children ?
- What are your views on adoption or fertility treatments ?
- How should we divide parenting responsibilities ?
- What parenting style do you envision ? Strict, relaxed, somewhere in between ?
- How do you feel about both partners working after having kids ?
- What role should grandparents play in our children’s lives ?
- How would we handle disagreements about parenting decisions ?
Career and Lifestyle Questions
Your individual ambitions need to fit into your shared life together.
- Where do you see your career in 5, 10, 20 years ?
- Would you relocate for a job opportunity ?
- How do you feel about one partner earning significantly more than the other ?
- What does work-life balance mean to you ?
- How many hours per week do you expect to work ?
- What would you do if you lost your job ?
- Do you have entrepreneurial ambitions that might affect our stability ?
Communication and Conflict Questions
How you handle disagreements will define your marriage more than how you celebrate the good times.
- How do you typically handle conflict ? Do you need space or prefer to talk it out immediately ?
- What’s the best way to approach you when something is bothering me ?
- How did your family handle disagreements growing up ?
- What topics are particularly sensitive for you ?
- How do you feel about going to bed angry ?
- Would you be open to couples counseling if we needed it ?
- How can I best support you when you’re stressed ?
Values and Beliefs Questions
Shared values create a foundation for decision-making throughout your marriage.
- What role does religion or spirituality play in your life ?
- How would you want to raise children regarding faith ?
- What are your non-negotiable values ?
- How important is it that we share political views ?
- What causes or charities matter most to you ?
- How do you define success in life ?
Family and Relationships Questions
You’re not just marrying a person, you’re joining their entire family system.
- What’s your relationship like with your parents and siblings ?
- How often do you expect to see extended family ?
- How should we handle holidays ? Whose family do we visit ?
- What boundaries should we set with in-laws ?
- How do you feel about family members staying with us for extended periods ?
- Are there any family dynamics I should understand ?
Daily Life Questions
The small, everyday things add up to your entire life together.
- How do you feel about household chores ? How should we divide them ?
- Are you a morning person or night owl ?
- How much alone time do you need ?
- What are your expectations around cleanliness and organization ?
- How do you like to spend weekends ?
- What are your thoughts on pets ?
Intimacy Questions
Physical and emotional intimacy evolves throughout a marriage.
- What does intimacy mean to you beyond the physical ?
- How do you like to give and receive affection ?
How to Have These Conversations
Knowing what to discuss is only half the battle. Here’s how to approach these conversations productively:
Create a Safe Space
Choose a relaxed setting without distractions. These aren’t interrogations, they’re explorations. Approach each topic with curiosity rather than judgment.
Listen More Than You Talk
The goal isn’t to convince your partner of your position. It’s to understand theirs. Ask follow-up questions. Reflect back what you hear.
Accept Differences
You won’t agree on everything, and that’s okay. What matters is whether you can respect and accommodate each other’s differences.
Revisit Over Time
Opinions change. Life circumstances shift. These conversations aren’t one-and-done. Make them an ongoing part of your relationship.
Use Tools to Help
Sometimes having a structured way to explore these topics makes the conversation easier. Apps like Before Yes provide guided questions and can help couples work through these discussions in a thoughtful, organized way.
The Bottom Line
Marriage preparation isn’t about finding the “perfect” partner who agrees with you on everything. It’s about understanding each other deeply enough to navigate life’s challenges together.
These 50 questions are a starting point. The conversations they spark, and the understanding they build, are what truly matter. Whether you work through them over coffee, during long walks, or using an app designed for the purpose, the important thing is that you have them.
Your future self will thank you for putting in this work now.
Ready to explore these questions with your partner ? Download Before Yes and start your marriage preparation journey today.